On Conscious Love


Everyone will agree that human beings seek romantic Love. We seek to love and to be loved, to share intimacy, sexual pleasure, and life experiences. Most lovers experience elated and higher states when they first fall in love. They begin to idealize each other and become blind to anything negative in the lover or in the outside world. We see new lovers as living in a different world, enjoying the simplicity of life through joy and mutual admiration. It is this state of elation, passion and love that many yearn to return to. In long term relationships some may say they love someone but they are not “in love” anymore. What happens to the “in love” state?  What happens to this complete bliss and elation? If you ask psychologists or scientists they will tell you that the “in love’ feeling is caused by a chemical reaction in the brain and can not be sustained long term. Eventually, all relationships descend into the mundane and ordinary.  Often past wounds, weaknesses and shadow aspects of the personality begin to play out in relation to the lover through conflict, turmoil or break ups. Some couples go through cycles of love and hate, with highs and lows that have to do with sexual or emotional dependence and a deep rooted fear of loss or abandonment of the lover. For many love relationships become a search to fulfill unmet needs – a need to be validated, a need to be important, a need to be attractive, a need to be adored, a need to belong, a need to be physically loved, a need to be heard…..etc. After a period of time, most lovers will find that their needs are not met in the love relationship, in fact they are constantly finding fault and blaming each other for their lack of satisfaction in love.

For those who are working on conscious love, or spiritual awakening in relationships, love begin to reflect a sacred opportunity to transform, grow and experience enlightenment. It is no longer about fulfilling some sort of need or wants of being loved and accepted.  It becomes about reaching a place of inner peace and understanding dictated by a desire to Love.  In this kind of enlightened love, there is a deep honoring of the other. Lovers share a connection without attachments. They share a pure love without conditions and reach a point of full acceptance of the other as they are. Loving consciously is liberating as it does not stem from ego, it comes directly from the soul.  It is a state of higher consciousness, where lovers become aware of each others feelings and needs without speaking, where the merging becomes on a level of the soul.

In the Power of Now, Eckhart Tolle, speaks of enlightened relationships as the future. He envisions relationships without pain and suffering, that are founded on mutual respect and higher love. These relationships can be sustained by working on presence with each other, working on a spiritual connection through Love. He writes” Love is a state of being. Your love is not outside, it is deep within you. You can never lose it, and it cannot leave you. It is not dependent on some other body, some external form. . What is love? To feel the presence of that one Life deep within yourself and within all creatures….”.  In the moment of presence, we can all connect to our soul, which can recognize any other soul with Love and compassion. This sacred part of us does not see separation or lack. It manifests during inner stillness, presence and full acceptance of all that is in the moment. The realization of union and oneness with all, is the realization of the state of Love. From that place we can choose to be in an enlightened relationship and feel the love as an exchange between two lovers or stay in that state without a partner connecting to all beings through loving kindness. Ultimately in a state of enlightened or higher love, we become containers of a pure energy that can be collected and maintained with intention and effort to live in the now. We can be present to ourselves and our beloved. There lies the possibility – We can stay in Love indefinitely!